Monday, July 14, 2008

This morning started before dawn and eased it's way into afternoon before I quite knew it. Between the standard chores (dishes, gathering laundry, picking up after the kids) the morning flew. I've been able to keep my meal/snack schedule on target for several days running. I've exercised at least a little bit every day for a week. Yesterday I took my hours "off duty" to go see a movie.

Last year around this time I was nuts. Six months ago I was a fruitcake. Let's be realistic- I've been certifiably nutso for at least that long, probably longer, and it seems to take me longer than the "normal" people to regain my socially acceptable behavior. This is why I can't participate in message boards with any real hope of suceeding either as a help to someone else or even as a conversationalist. This is why it took me until well into adulthood to be capable of making friends and interacting socially on a level that would not lead the ones around me to back away slowly and give me a wide bearth.

Still, there are times when the chaos around me settles down into a normal level again. There are times when I can be a normal wife, and a good mother. For what it's worth to the many people I've appalled on various forums, every last one of my kid's specialists and therapists have been happy with how I raise my kids. It may not be normal to people with children who were born on time with no developmental delays, but it is normal for us and we've learned to adapt the EI therapies into daily life to provide as normal an experience for the children as possible. Yeah, I'm a nutcase, but I'm a good parent who does her best. Aren't we all?

When the abnormal has been a part of your life longer than the normal, when what you consider normal is so far out of the mainstream that others consider you a walking freakshow, it makes a lot of sense to withdraw from the ones who don't want to understand. I underreact to some things, I overreact to others, and it's all based on the sum total of what my life has been. That's part of being human. I can't apologize for that. All I can do is try to frame my thoughts into words as best I can and continue blogging, because that's what blogging is supposed to be about as I understand it.

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