Days like this and I wonder how I got here. By the time I got to the hospital this afternoon, nothing quite made sense anymore. I still have a headache from the stress. I managed to deal with everything I needed to, but I broke down in tears because I couldn't go back into the NICU this afternoon. I just couldn't handle it. I don't want to think about her coming home just yet, because I can't face it. It's too much. I'm worn out dealing with thoughts of furniture, plane tickets, clothing that seems like it'll never fit her because she's no bigger than a doll... but my motherinlaw has filled the fridge with healthy food that's surprisingly tasty and light on my stomach. I have lots of really delicious herbal teas. WIC is still trying to find me an electric pump, which will go easier than this squeaky foot pedal. My husband has tomorrow off, and we'll have the whole weekend before having to go back into the normal routine. The bills are finally paid and the budget balanced for the next pay-cycle. Even though I've got hot flashes and I feel like I've run a marathon because I'm so sore and tired and upset, I can finally say that we're all right and mean it. Everyone's okay, and I'll sleep soundly tonight.