Last night dinner was a great success. The food was good and the company was better. KittyCat didn't wake up until the end of the meal. I feel so blessed by that, by the chance to have an entire sit down meal without feeling rushed at all.

I'm practicing my breathing techniques again. Both to help with the relaxing and to (hopefully) cut down on the insomnia and panic attacks. And the lack of centeredness in my life. It's almost a year now since I found out I was pregnant. It is six months since my baby was born. Sometimes I can barely believe that it happened at all-- which is sad especially when I'm damp from baby drool and there are smudges of dried formula on my glasses.

Was it easier to accept my life before? As flawed as I am, I can know that everyone is equally flawed. I don't feel that my life is so much better in many ways, but when I'm holding that baby something deep inside my heart melts. She is the center of my world. This is what my mother felt when I was an infant. This is what other women must feel all the time, when they hold their babies and realize that, oh my F-ing God, this is a real person and she came from my body. She came from my husband and me. The universe must be insane to give us a child. She's just too perfect.