this morning I went to therapy. I guess I felt too safe, or something. I left my body twice, and it was pretty bad. I had almost forgotten it was october... but it is, and I'm almost through it. The seasons are so different here than where I grew up, it's easy to forget.

I'm so embarassed by what happened this morning that I don't know how I'll go back next week. Small comfort, but at least I didn't come out of it screaming.

don't touch me
I wasn't there
it wasn't me...
just someone who looked like me, thought like me, bruised like me
why did the sun keep coming up in the morning?
why didn't the ground swallow me whole and bury my secrets?