right, then. Fibromyalgia and (possibly) IBS. I can deal with this. Where did I put my magic wand and my SuperMom cape? So I'm now on more medication, and after Thanksgiving I get to go in and get my insides scoped.

I want to be perfectly clear on this; my insides are not a staging ground for the re-enactment of the Continental Railroad joining. Despite being given one camera down my throat and the other one up my ass. This is so not fun. It wouldn't be fun even had I not had the certain acts of sexual abuse in the past. Thank God for sedation, and for doctors willing to use it, and hoping that I'll find someone SAFE to take me back and forth from this thing. While I don't expect to freak out, I also didn't expect to have hysterical flashbacks to my childhood in the delivery/operating room either. It's a good thing that procedure wasn't a voluntary thing, because I would have called it off.

They don't let you call off a baby... not at that stage. No matter how scared or frightened you are. Note: not that I'm not absolutely thrilled to be a Mommy, or that I didn't want that baby to be born every step of the pregnancy. I just had doubts about my ability to be a Good Mommy, and the normal set of fears, and when a delivery happens that fast and that suddenly without a chance to mentally adjust it's pretty terrifying.