I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Again. After a week of horrible lows and wierd, twisted logical leaps in my depressed mind, I had a pretty good day. This was aided by the Toddler being all happy and bouncy and bright, and it is to our credit that she stayed up later than normal for us on duty days. Now she is reluctantly going to sleep. I can cope with that.

What I can't cope with, apparantly, is the thought that I'm a good mother and good wife. I feel like I should be one or the other and that both is some fairy-land ideal. It's not real. I know that it's not real. It has no basis in my personal reality right now. So why do I feel this way?

The only thing I know for sure tonight is that there are dishes that need to be put away and a funny book to curl up with. Tomorrow will bring it's own challenges and god only knows if it will be any better or worse than today. I can only go to sleep secure in the truth of the lullaby I sing the Toddler every night.

hushabye and good night, go to sleep little baby
hushabye and good night, go to sleep little girl
in the morning you'll wake when sunlight comes streaming
hushabye and good night
till morning is nigh.