I dropped my marbles today in an utterly stupid way, one in which I was fearing would happen at some point down the road. I thought I would be in control of it- isn't that what every borderline addictive personality says when they're this close to screwing up everything that they've worked for with one seemingly "fine" idea?

I still don't know the whole extent of what I've done, that will wait until tommorrow when I stop seeing double and when the Boy tells me what happened this afternoon. But suddenly between one breath and the next the kids are all asleep in bed and he's telling me to go sleep it off and drink plenty of water.

I've scared him. I've screwed up. I still don't know what happened beyond that original thought that seemed like such a good idea at the time.