When my baby girl was born she had a small opening in one of the valves in her heart. It hadn't finished closing, but it did within a few days of her birth. Robbie was born with the same thing. Normally they close just fine and there are no problems; even with preemies. Sometimes they do not.

Tomorrow morning my little boy is going to have surgery to fix the hole in his heart. I do not know what to think; my brain is fuzzy with the morning's events. I thought everything was fine and I was coping, and then I heard this news. While I know it's routine, while I know that everything will likely go just fine, I want to close my eyes and let the rest of the world go on without my knowledge for a few hours. I need to regroup my brain and get some rest before I can cope with this knowledge.

Today is my mother's birthday and all the things I wanted to do to make it a happy one for her are now so far from my brain that I don't remember half of them. She'll forgive me. I don't know if I'll forgive myself later on.