Lately I've been wondering if Tiffany will ever start to a) talk and b) stand up on her own and start walking. She's got the cruising down yet oddly she doesn't want to put any weight on her own two feet while either walking or holding our hands. I've tried to make it fun. I've really tried. I've tried bribing. I've tried playing silly games and singing songs. So far there has been zilch interest.

I tell myself to be patient. Just because other babies her age do this ALL THE TIME is no reason for her to need to do it yet. Even adjusting for gestational age. I think that the reason for parents to get so crazy over competing is due to the Experts. There's a whole range of sites that will provide an expert opinion on everything going from permissive to discipline-centric. Stay at home moms are ripe for their traps because our children are the only things that we're being graded /judged on by our peers that really deeply matter to us. We want to point at our kids and their trophies. We want to show off their talents and how wonderfully intelligent they are. We want to parade them through the streets so people will tell us what good mothers we are. That just because we don't earn a paycheck we're contributing to society.

I'm not being graded on my child. If I were, I'd get a solid B, because of where she started and how far she's come in 16 months. But I'm running out of time because that stops counting when she turns two years old. That's when she's supposed to be all caught up, and there are hundreds of small children out there waiting to show us up on the big stage of Life.

It's a new game show: The Stage of Life! Come on down! You could win this fabulous washer dryer combo or a full academic scholarship for your kids to the Ivy League School of Their Choice!

We'll get June Cleaver to show the prizes. And Marge Simpson to award the "Best Effort" certificate. I can do a clean house or a happy child or a tidy mind. Well, I can manage two of the three. Pick two. Because if you left the choice up to me I'd say let the housework go to hell and be happy. This explains why I haven't scrubbed the kitchen floor in three whole days. Obviously the Cleaning Police will show up at 2300 tonight in order to arrest me and throw me into Messy Housewives Anonymous.

agh. The hell with it. Tonight I'm slipping into bed in my new flannel jammies and I'm going to knit until my eyes close.