Monday, February 25, 2008

I can do it, five minutes at a time. If I don't think too much about stuff I can't control, if I don't second-guess my decisions constantly today, I can do this.

See, I ended my Friday coming to grips with making the decision to stop pumping. It should be an unqualified relief to give myself permission to stop obsessing over my milk supply. I don't like feeling like a failure because I "only" pumped for three months. Pumping's harder than nursing, and when your baby is somewhere else it can feel like a thankless task.

But enough of my pity party. It's been a weekend of guilt, compounded by a bad case of the sniffles. That's another thing I hate. Not feeling quite good enough to get off my butt and do something "productive" with my time, not feeling bad enough to justify taking Serious Cold Medication and trying to sleep it off. And what would I do with the Toddler if that were the case? She's not sick. She misses her mommy when I go and give into the depression like I've done. While I try not to let it affect her, it does, and I find myself getting more depressed over not being there for her in the manner that I want to be there. Make sense?

I'm going to go drink my tea, clean out my bulk mail folder, and work on the story of the Sparkly Shoes. Stay tuned.

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