Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Another day that I wish I had Mother's Little Helpers. Don't know why, it's not like anything out of the ordinary is happening today. I am even on top of things around the house for once. I just want to feel some sort of warm rush through my skin and not worry about anything. I don't want to worry about the KittyCat, or my body giving out early, or the pain in my hips and back... I don't want to worry that I will get too dizzy carrying the trash to the dumpster. I don't want to get heart palpitations just by doing a simple load of laundry.

Maybe someday this will pass. Maybe someday I'm going to be the mother I want to be and can stop worrying that I won't make the cut- that my daughter isn't going to think that I'm a worn-out broken-down old lady before she's even halfway grown. In the meantime I should just enjoy what I have while it's here. The grass outside, the sun streaming down on the courtyard under my window. The orange and blue Birds of Paradise blooming at every corner of this complex. It's a marvelous place to live, where there are always flowers blooming. I'm going to count my blessings today. Live in the moment. Stop borrowing trouble.

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