Monday, January 02, 2006

Hi everybody! I'm back. There was a *ton* of computer issues around here for the past week, and then we had to wipe my harddrive last night. But cross my fingers everything is fixed now.

The Child Sleeps, once again, and Mama is loosed upon the world and the internet in general. We've both been under the weather the past couple of days- which did not aid in the computer issues at all. I'm eating scrambled eggs by myself for dinner tonight, as the Boy has duty on the big tin box that we laughingly call his Other Home. At the end of the week my own Mama will be visiting our fair city for a whole month. Yippee! I'm eager for her to arrive. I'm eager once again to throw my own arms around my mama's neck and wish hard that she'll fix everything. Just like when I was a little girl, I'm back to the place where I believe that she can fix all my anxieties in this area. She'll wave a magic wand and by virtue of her believing in me, I'll be able to do it. It had been years, and then one day during the pregnancy I was talking to her and blurted out "Tell me I can do this."

She told me I could. She told me that she believed in me, and that I would be a good mother. I believed her. It was as simple as that. For the first time in years and years, I believed her with the simple trust I had when I was five, and she kissed the boo-boo and made it better. As adults there are so many boo-boos out there. Most of the time we have to deal with them ourselves. Bad bosses, credit card debt, unexpected emergencies that drain the wallet and worse- leave us with barely enough emotional energy to take care of ourselves. As adults, we're expected to not run home to our parents to fix these things, barring their loving advice. Even so, there's still a time when all we really need is for someone else to believe in us. We find that in our lovers and partners, and in our friends, and when those needs touch the deepest and rawest insecurities of our hearts we turn back to where it all begins.

Mama. Daddy. Who are still the gods of our small worlds, who have unlimited powers and abilities. Who make it better.

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