The weather outside is a cool 64 degrees right now. There's a light breeze, and the sky is overcast. But that will burn off and reveal a bright shiny sun in about two hours.

I mention this because it's such a contrast to what is in other parts of the world. Somewhere this morning is torrential rain. Somewhere people are praying for rain. Somewhere there is snow, and somewhere it's so hot that you could fry an egg on the rocks. What a difference. And here I sit in paradise, looking fondly at my Toddler as she crawls around making sure that the printer didn't move during the night. Or that any of her toys are missing.

Sometimes we forget just how lucky we are to have a quiet life. Over in the big sandbox I know there are mothers of children her age who will never see such a quiet and well-regulated morning again. I've got a kitchen full of food, and all I've got to do is turn on the faucet to get clean water. That's pretty good. And for all of this I still whine and bitch about how I wish we had more. So today's goal is going to be to start thinking about that. I'm going to start being grateful in a quieter way. I'm going to get back to making preemie blankies. Give something back to the community.

drowsing by the fire

I'm drowsing by the warm glow of the tv tonight and trying to kick myself in the pants. That's pretty hard to do when you're not double jointed. Or, you know, my own identical twin sister. Thing is, I need to get my contact list built and the e-spiel sent to them. This is going to be a one-time type thingie, it's not like I'm planning on spamming these people to the ends of the earth. I just find it's easier to communicate over the 'Net than face to face or on the phone. I just- have a Thing about real-time communication sometimes. It takes more personal energy than I feel it's worth.

So I'm going to use the e-spiel method. It's everything I'd say to the person if she were here with me, but in a written form. I really hope this works out at least a little bit like I want it to. Cause I could use the morale-boost of knowing that I might possibly succeed at this.

Toy Toy Toy!!!!!!

It has arrived in the mail. I've been waiting for this book for a whole three weeks. Oh, I'm so not going to sleep early tonight!

...self-directed eye roll. So the Spanish Influenza, aka the White Lady, is one of my historical favorite things. It's not really that different than ordering the entire Time Life Civil War collection. Except there are far fewer books available on the Spanish Flu.

confessions of a sugar junkie

Yesterday I went to Albertson's for some baby food. As I walked from the juice to the baby aisle I had to cross Ice Cream Land, and I impulse-bought a carton. It was caramel cheesecake. It was delicious. I finished the whole thing before the sun went down this evening.

For some reason this weekend has been one carb and sugar loaded binge for me. I don't have any urge to eat anything good for me. Say, like dinner or lunch or even a halfway decent continental breakfast. Make it deep-fried and sugar-coated. I also picked up a box of churros while I was out. That lasted only slightly longer than the ice cream. For those of you who don't know, a churro is a waffle-like stick that is rolled in cinnamon and sugar and fried. And it's crispy and it's good and it is so addictive that I'm trying to tell myself that Costco won't carry it. I may stand a chance of not having this in the house and eating my weight in them this month.

I don't usually binge on sugar like this. Shades of the past, family history, and all that. I'm remembering the stories of my great-grandmother and her mother, dying of diabetes before insulin therapy was available. Chocolate really can kill you. When I was about 10 I worked out that since diabetes ran in the family and I would likely be "catching it" I'd better learn to live without 3-inch frosting on my cupcake.

The upside to all of this is that I lost my sweet tooth by the time I was twenty. Except for sporadic candy forays, and the sugar binge, I don't go for really sweet things anymore. The downside is that occassionally I find myself bingeing. My eating "thing" mixes it up with the sugar "thing" and they go midieval on my ass.

A big thank you to the buyer of today's featured selections on Amazon! You made my day, and I know you'll enjoy your purchase. I loved that series.

fall cleaning

We're going through the stacks this week, and more books are up for sale through Amazon in the "used books" categories. If you're a sci-fi fan, I've got a first-print edition of "The transition of titus crow", which is near-mint. I'm sure you can find a bunch of other neat stuff over there. Consider the used book market when buying stuff: it's cheaper than new, it helps out other people -whether they're trying to raise a little extra cash by selling their stuff, or running a side business out of their spare room. And you know that the books are going to be the same whether used or new. It's not like the ending changes.

I could also make a point about reusing our consumable resources, but I'm a woman who happily embraces disposable diapers and all things plastic and easily replaceable for infant/toddler byproduct handling. Not an Earth Mother. Just a Mom.

little susie homemaker

my flatware arrived today. All but the tall drink spoons. I ran the whole lot through the dishwasher right away and am not even waiting for them to cool. Using dishtowels wrapped around my hands I plucked my gleaming stainless steel treasure from the dishwasher and I'm carefully polishing each piece thoroughly dry before putting it away in the cherry chest with antitarnish lining.

I'm rich. So rich. To have this, this whole thing of Good Flatware. Complete, all at once. I'm humming to myself and feeling like there is not one thing that could make tonight's happiness more complete.

nothing better to do

...than to sit here and feel sorry for myself. HAH! I can clean! I can cook! I can tidy up the drifts of dirty laundry in the bedroom into a neater pile! I can put the Toddler down for her nap.

Well, at least I'm trying to put her down for a nap. She has other ideas. Although she has grasped the "lay quietly in your crib" portion. I wonder if it's too soon to start teaching her the meaning of "Mommy's tired so you need a nap"? Mommy has been awake since 4 this morning, talking to Daddy and trying to get some more sleep. This however is a duty day, which means Daddy's Day Off. Mommy is here trying to stay awake until a certain Small Someone falls asleep. Then I will take a nap. It will be a good nap, a fine nap, a nap the likes of which have not been seen in this house in at least a week.

Now that I'm finally fully back on my feet after the Flu From Hell that knocked us down, I'm feeling back in control of the household. This involves cooking. This involves grocery shopping. This involves other related things that are too boring to name. It feels -empowering. Strange, because a year or two ago I would never have considered housework to be empowering.

It takes all kinds, right?

why I love Amazon

Because no matter what book I'm craving, no matter if it's out of print now or hard to find, somebody will sell it to me and it will end up in my hands in about two weeks. Talk about instant gratifications as far as books go...

...moving right along I find that rampant stupidity does not actually go away with motherhood. To which I submit myself humbly to the Dead Fish Award, which is better known as the People Who Should Be Slapped Upside the Head With Dead Fish Award. What did I do? I forgot that I should just take all the pills in today's compartment at once. I should keep out one of the sedatives and take that later before bedtime. So this is why my head spins a bit and my mouth feels like a lizard crawled inside it to die.

No worries. I've been this stupid before. Just not in a Long time. Long, Long, time. And tonight is beer and pizza night; every Friday that we can afford it we have pizza and I watch the Boy drink a 6 pack. This is okay. I can be very happy about it. I just wish that he'd get off a bit early this afternoon so that I can crawl back under the blankets and hide.

My Little Pirate? She's doing well. The disparity in pupil sizes from right to left is still reminding me of late night cartoon network programming. I keep expecting her to start twitching and plotting to take over the world. So far nothing- she's a crafty imp. The falling over herself seems to be going away a bit. I have mostly stopped worrying that she's totally blind. I just worry that she's going to pick up an anvil and drop it on my head.

the things I see when I don't have a gun

A caption on the tvguide channel that started, "follow a blind alligator through the streets of Miami"

I swear to G-d I'm not making that up. I saw it. Scrolling across my screen. And I'm so very afraid of this... I'm going to have to go cuddle my stuffed animals now.

shiver me timbers and blow the man down

We're embarking on a Pirate theme this fall here in Chez Fireflower. Or should that be Casa de Fireflower, given our proximity to Mexico? Anyway. The verdict is in from the eye doc that while her eye looks good in regards to mucus and tearing, she isn't responding as well as he would like. It's still too early to tell how much sight she has, given that she's not talking yet. Aside from "juice". Which doesn't tell us that much about visual acuity but is pretty darned cute.

Instead of trying to patch her good eye he's going to use a certain type of eye drop. This is supposed to dilate the eye and cause the same effect as patching, without my needing to go out and buy up the available black onesies to match the patch. (get it?) Although I'm not looking forward to putting drops in her eye twice a week it sure beats the hell out of forcing prilosec down her throat twice a day as we were doing this time last year. And so I salute her, my little pirate baby. We'll go back to the doc in three months to see what she sees then. We'll see if it's a lazy eye or symptomatic of something far worse -that's 'worse' to a mother's eyes, not 'worse' as it will effect her 'quality of life' which is something I've heard way too much about lately.

Argh. Me Little Pirate Baby. Show Mama the Booty. We'll run a black diaper up the flagpole and start cutting throats. Or at the least poke them in the eye and steal their noses when they won't give up the booty.

technical difficulties

Apparantly last night's link to the amazon site didn't work; at least, I'm unable to actually see the link that I know is supposed to be there. So for all those fans who actually care the title of the book is:
Mommy laid an egg
Author: Babette Cole

And it's still really, really funny.

So we're off to the doctor this afternoon, and I am starting to feel a little nervous about it. I just want this whole thing over, I want the Tiffany to take a nice long nap tonight, and I want to wake up when she's 19 and off in college. If she's anything like me that's when I'll really have to start to worry. Before that- not so much.

my brain is having technical difficulties with life. that's why the title for today's entry... This is subject to change without notice and I'll let y'all know how things go when I have some clue about it.

back in the saddle

While perusing the books available in the library this afternoon I encountered this gem.


You need to read this. Especially all the DotMamas and the IndieMamas. Really. Pay particular attention to the diagrams of how babies are made- I recommend this book for us as parents who need to laugh, not necessarily as the book you want to use to teach your kids about the birds and the bees. And buy copies for your best friends. I'm still laughing.

I wonder if dinosaurs always wore UPS uniforms when delivering babies?

silver and gold

Talked to some old friends today. The same set that mentored me into this lifestyle, who smoothed the way into being a success as a Naval Wife... And it feels good. It's good to hear from them. It is almost as good as Tiff going to bed easily for us. Sort of as good as when the Boy came home from PAC.

To keep in touch is a good thing. Like the old rhyme I learned in girl scouts, lo these many eons ago- Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.

Staying in touch though the country lays between us. Staying in touch with people even if a world separates us. It's not easy. What's easy is to let people keep going their way. Easy, but lonely. Keeping in touch is hard, but it lets you catch up with little explanation. You don't have to reintroduce yourself. You don't have to learn new faces and new histories and new stories. These are the people who know you, the people who know where we come from and love us anyway. And we don't have to say many words.

midnight blogging

I’m sitting here in the middle of the night, again.

I feel better in some ways and nicely loopy in many other ways. Since the Munchkin is asleep and likely to remain so, and the Boy also, and I’ve got the whole place to myself in this frantic rush of energy and cool ideas that won’t seem quiet so affordable in the cool light of morning.

Drinking my water. Got such a dry throat that water needs to be drunk in large amounts to keep me functioning in the world tomorrow. So I’m sitting on the Net because where else am I going to be when my brain is in that silly loopy stage of medicated fatigue and I can’t quite turn my brain off yet to go back to sleep.

I’ve been sleeping for days now. That’s what it feels like. That I’ve been asleep for days. Emerging only one every couple of hours to grab a bottle of water and growl at whoever asks me questions. And even though it was just what I needed then and thanks to God that I had that option for the first time in months…. I felt only a little bit guilty over asking for the help. I woke up to get another drink of water tonight and ended up on the computer. There are worse things. I fully intend to sleep myself out in the morning. I fully intend to make the most of this now, while I can, because hey- these things aren’t going to come again.

There was an article in Redbook a few days ago that I happened to glance at. It dealt with all those work at home projects, the scams and the real ones that are out there- but since they are real they don’t promise lots of money and there aren’t all that many openings, and it’s a different sort of approach from one that I understood works with MLM. Tomorrow I think I’m going to start looking into this sort of thing. In addition to getting ready for my first craft show. In addition to watching my food and medication schedules and all that- cause I have a goal to be able to figure out how to work my penny-saving and little income from survey sites and blogging into a reliable check every month to pay my car note.

And hey, with all the sickness this week, I’m sure that I’d be in worse shape now had I not been using the ecofriendly cleaning stuff all over every surface in the house. I was a mess, everybody else was a mess, and yet- the house doesn’t smell like the normal post-body fluid explosion mess. You know of what I speak, the stale vomit, the excrement-covered sheets, towels, nightthings. My house may be a tornado disaster area, but it’s a sweet smelling one. And a home that I’m happy to be caring for.

lost in the living room

Remember what happened here back when the ship left on deployment? The sickness, the extruding of bodily fluids out of every possible orifice of my and the Toddler's body? The laundry that threatened to take over Detroit?

Well, it's back. Love-ly. Except it seems to have gone on fast forward, and I'm not so sure that made it better or worse. That summer cold I posted about- it started the puking late Tuesday night. About 90 minutes after that I was in shock and the Boy was calling the paramedics. And the progression of the illness went just like a fast forward button over the whole thing. 12 hours through puking, total lower-body-fluid loss of control, fluids and iv drugs. The works. Then I came home and slept.

The Toddler- she seems to have fared better than I did this time around- thank GOD for small favors. She slept through the ambulance taking mommy away, and didn't seem to realize I was gone until I walked through the door yesterday. Of course then she was a mess for the rest of the day and all night; her tummy hurt, she got clammy and a little bit shocky, and then she had two seriously massive UGLY diapers. But- no puking. And she's tolerating fluids well, and had a nice long nap after those diapers. So. And me? I lost a day out of my life. Literally. I don't have a clue how today became thursday, because the last I knew it was tuesday morning. The house is a wreck.

When I had gotten home last night the Boy sits across from me and we're catching up on how things went on both ends. And he says to me in a wierd sort of voice, "this place *was* clean this morning." By the end of the day, of course, the whole place looks trashed; I hear this happens with small children. I couldn't stop myself from laughing and pointing out that I say the same thing to him every night when he comes home. Cause at the end of the day- well, parents know what I mean and I don't know if anyone else will believe it. I didn't get a chance to clean last night. It may not get cleaned until tomorrow. I'm perfectly okay with that. As long as I get a nap this afternoon.

the littlest things

It’s the little things in life. Those little things that can make you or break you. This morning I’m munching on banana bread and warm rice pudding. There’s a crime drama on in the background, and periodically I break to play with the Toddler for some really in-depth giggling.

We’ve got little summer colds. So little that it doesn’t even qualify except for the tickle in my throat and Tiff’s hacking cough. So we’re staying in, mostly, and hiding from society. Who needs other people when you’ve got cable? And broadband? And warm rice pudding?

We had naps already, and it’s not even 11. This is so out of the ordinary for her that I know she’s sick. She went down without a fight, without a whimper, and I didn’t start whimpering until she started making noises to get back up. Medicine. And a spoonful of sugar. And when Daddy gets home I’m going to ask him to cover so that I can go back and sleep a bit more.

I’m SO glad he’s home from PAC now. I’m so glad, and not just because it means that I get a break this afternoon.

the littlest things

It’s the little things in life. Those little things that can make you or break you. This morning I’m munching on banana bread and warm rice pudding. There’s a crime drama on in the background, and periodically I break to play with the Toddler for some really in-depth giggling.

We’ve got little summer colds. So little that it doesn’t even qualify except for the tickle in my throat and Tiff’s hacking cough. So we’re staying in, mostly, and hiding from society. Who needs other people when you’ve got cable? And broadband? And warm rice pudding?

We had naps already, and it’s not even 11. This is so out of the ordinary for her that I know she’s sick. She went down without a fight, without a whimper, and I didn’t start whimpering until she started making noises to get back up. Medicine. And a spoonful of sugar. And when Daddy gets home I’m going to ask him to cover so that I can go back and sleep a bit more.

I’m SO glad he’s home from PAC now. I’m so glad, and not just because it means that I get a break this afternoon.

the quiet mind

It's something between zen and praying, I think. You hear about it a lot- quieting your soul. Seeking inner peace. That's something that I as a mother am striving for all the time. Along with my crinolines, pearls, and the ability to wear pumps while vacuuming...

Anywho. I was laying in bed during Tiff's nap trying to do this. It worked great. I didn't sleep, but I feel as though I've slept for three hours, and I'm completely refreshed right now. That, and I took a NoDoz when I got up. That probably has a thing to do with it as well.

So why is it that I don't sleep, crave sleep, and pump my body full of stimulants to avoid sleep all at the same time? I whine about insomnia and chronic fatigue. My friends are sick to death of hearing about it. And yet... I still do it. There's got to be a middle ground out there. I'm looking at the quiet mind for a solution. I know there won't ever be a permanent solution. I'm hoping for something a little more permanent than the scotch tape and rubber band macguyvering that I've been accustomed to.

Silver Patterns

This is what happens when mothers and daughters find things to bond over. For years and years we'd wait for the quarterly Betty Crocker Catalogue to come in the mail. As well as the umpteen stitchery and needlework catalogues we were on. And when they'd arrive we'd sit down with cookies and cups of tea and leaf through the pages. We picked out my silver pattern, my china pattern, both everyday and formal. We decorated my future home with pictures and linens and all sorts of knickknacks. It was always "someday".

Last week my mother called. She had gotten the official last catalogue of the Betty Crocker company. They're discontinuing their boxtop point redemption program and the catalogue. That's right- after all these decades, they're not doing this anymore. The stock that's left is ALL that's left. Ever.

And my mom? She gave me her credit card info and told me that now is the time. This is the last and final chance to get stuff. That entire stainless steel pattern of servingware that I dreamed of and drooled on over the years... the chest with the anti-tarnish lining to store them in. All mine. In a short time the UPS man will bring a large package to my door.

That was the day after I had a sober moment, reflecting on my shoddy bargain-discount-basement flatware, that only has 6 settings, that is all bent and dinged and cruddy after only 4 years in use. I thought to myself, this is really time to replace this. And how am I going to manage that in the next year? Well, now I can do this. Now I don't have to think about it anymore. And I'm very happy for that.