i wonder as i wander

Preparations for the child’s gestational birthday party are continuing. Tiki torches have been set up. A palm tree has been acquired. For reasons unbeknownst to me, the official party planner has decreed that it will be a luau-themed party. I think it has to do with the 12month hulu outfit and grass skirt that my mother bought last summer. All that remains is to show up with the child- that’s my ticket to the party. If I try to show up without her I think there will be a mob with torches and pitchforks coming after me.

My brain is going to turn into mush in a short while. My Boy is coming home in 6 weeks. That’s, like, SOON. Much sooner than it was when he left, on Valentine’s Day. Which is a crappy way to spend the day- I wanted to throw up at all the commercials. Which also may have been a result from the stomach virus that we all had that week. Fun. Not. But my brain. Mush. Yup. It is a well known Mary phenomenom, that when big Events loom I develop a sudden regression to four years old. A little girl excitedly jumping up and down and bouncing off the walls with my joy. This is not appropriate behavior for a wife and mother. Not if I’m trying to convince people how sane and ready for another baby I am.

I’ve been spending a lot of time online in the past two days. More than usual, which for me is still a lot. I want to laugh at the online survey questions, the ones that want to know in what group are the number of hours you spend online in a week. Um. 16+? At a minimum.

And what have we learned from this? Kids. They suck your brain. The brain that I used to have I had to share with her, which means that at least a third of my pre-mommy brain is gone forever. This is likely the reason why I don’t remember where I left my shoes or my hair clips. I wish I could blame my hatred of pantyhose on this as well, but I’m afraid that I never did like them much. Except for a pair I wore once, to my eighth grade graduation ceremony. Because my legs looked like a models. Abso-fucking-fabulous.

I wonder if I could get my legs to look like that ever again?