Friday, October 19, 2007

Again I'm finding myself searching for balance in this motherhood/wifehood/pregnancy thing. It's a hard thing to find. The baby has started overwhelming me with movement. The Toddler, when she was in utero, never moved this vigorously. Or aggressively. To the point where I literally cannot sleep every other night. So I start every day on a sleep deficit that makes me wonder just when exactly was this news to me?

I knew on some level the insomnia would come up. That it is choosing to become a major issue in the same time frame that the Toddler is moving to her Big Girl Bed is not only inconvenient but damn near dangerous for those around me. Tonight I burst into big snotty sobbing tears a minute or so after I got in the house. The Boy sent me to my room to pull myself together again. It took most of the evening to accomplish.

What, precisely, am I going to do about all of this? I have no answers. I wish to hell I had the answers. Then I could write them down in my planner as a master checklist thing and that would fix my life. That would stop the anxieties, the worries, the sleepless nights and more sleepless days when I'm trying to drag through them in an effort to Be A Supermom.

Not even a Supermom. Just a mom who is capable of coping with life. I would totally love to see that happen this coming weekend.

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