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I told my daughter to wait for me
Today I tell my son the same
Do not rush to us
Stay safe where you are
Grow big. Grow strong.
I can do what needs doing
Rest, hydrate, injections
do not rush to meet us
Mama's waiting patiently
We'll be ready when you are
Hush now. Sleep tight.
Tuck your head down and grow
No worries
No need to fret your little head
Ready for you
I'll sleep for you, eat for you
Pray for you in the silent night
You will be a joy to our hearts
As your sister was light to our lives
So wait with peace to take your first breath
Be ready first.

How much community service do you do? What counts as community service, anyway? At a recent speech, Bush praised those who give of themselves for a larger cause. Whether or not he was speaking in support of the military, of volunteering in America, of something else, it makes me think.

Community service is a punishment for some. Mandatory for others. Something lovingly contributed back for the good of all by yet others. Which is better? It seems to me that the last is the only “real” service. If it's mandated, is it really service? Maybe that's my upbringing talking. I tend to resist anything that I'm told to do. That's my nature. Comes with being a control freak, and with being incredibly stubborn. Give me a minute or two and I'll come around if it's a reasonable thing. Give me an hour and I'll convince myself that it was all my own idea to start with. Just don't ever flat out tell me to do something and expect blind obedience.

This, incidentally, causes the most concern in the Boy from time to time. He's used to this behavior in me. It's one of the reasons he loves me. Yet whenever I immediately roll over and agree with him on any topic or directive he stops and looks sideways at me. Just making sure that I'm alright. I get a little thrill out of that pause- another way of control? A passive-aggressive approach? Probably. I should look into that sometime. When I have the time.

When is service no longer service? I'd say when it is given grudgingly. If you're going to give something, give it. Don't lay conditions on it, don't lay expectations on it. Just go and do it. The reward may be small or non existent, but you'll have made the corner of the world you live in just that much better.

I've had pain for years now. I've lived with it day in and out, as I've shared before -among other long and drawnout tales of depression, motherhood, and how does it feel when your baby beats you up without meaning to. Before we moved to CA it was impossible for me to live above the first floor, because my knees just would not accept steps at the end of a long day in the weather. Cold, rain, they all bother me. Snow. Ice. Part of the picture comes from longterm side effects to the chemo and radiation. Some of it comes from a myriad of accidents and injuries sustained over the course of an accident-prone childhood.

What do I do? Do I live with it? How do I treat it? There comes a point at which the OTC meds don't really work to relieve the pain. There's a point at which you cannot ask a doctor to help you because they just won't- the pain isn't something they can see or diagnose, and they've medicated it before, and they think you're just a whiny crybaby addict who wants something they're not supposed to have. Screw that! I just want not to hurt so much I can't sleep at night. Is that wrong? I have enough problems with insomnia as it is. I'm depressed enough already. Chronic pain makes that worse. Especially when you know it's not going to go away. That you've just got to find a way to live with this for the rest of your life.

I'm entering a contest to win a year's supply of FreezeIt, which I tried off a friend the other week and which actually helped in a way that other things have not. I put some on my wrist where it got banged, and the pain went away. Imagine that! It didn't smell all medicinal. It felt good. You can use Freeze It Gel for sore muscles, sprains, shoulder and neck (lower back? Cause that's been hurting a lot more since this baby started shifting...) Strains. In short, all the ailments that come along with parenting a small and verbally-resistant child. Winning this contest will make my life as a mother of two with all those associated aches and pains so much better- a year's supply of this stuff... so cool. So Frosty, even. I hate living with chronic pain. I hate living with something that will take valuable energy away from my babies.

A toddler meltdown caused by the sheer gall of me making her move her body two whole feet to drink from her own sippy cup instead of from my empty water bottle. Wow. We had crying, screaming, rolling, thrashing, ripping my glasses from my face and hurling them across the room, tearing chunks of my hair from my head -does ten strands count as a chunk? It should- and all the associated snot produced from a still congested toddler.

Will this end? Peace has been slightly encouraged to flourish here. The wails have been stopped for now. Have I been thwarted from my goal of resting quietly for a bit? Of course. In this too I'm becoming increasingly fatalistic. The lowering of my blood pressure will not happen. The resting will not happen. Better get that bag packed because I may not be allowed to "rest" at home much longer. And then won't that be fun for this one car family?

For those of us who do enough selling online to justify having your Very Own Shop, how do you set up a storefront without either first getting a degree in webdesign and hosting, or selling your soul to someone who will do it for you while charging an arm and a leg AND your firstborn? Shopping Cart Software is included in a package from Ecommerce, who will provide the relevant things for you in return for a reasonable fee. Their site is easy to navigate while you're setting up your own little piece of retail paradise. Some important features include credit card processing, the shopping cart ability, and 24/7 support. If your business is small and only on the web, you can eliminate a lot of unnecessary overhead while offering a polished presentation. Having a good storefront is half the job in making Net sales. Having a good and functional storefront is more than halfway to success. Ecommerce software will ease your path to a painless website setup with tutorials and live help in addition to their customizable templates. If you want, you can even get them to design your storefront for you. The last piece of the puzzle is you. Do you have something you'd like to sell? Do you have something to offer customers that they can't get anywhere else? Start a home business today and find out how easy it is.

Today I got out of the house and bought newborn diapers.

This is a serious thing. This is admitting that I will need them sooner than I hoped I would. This is really not a Huge Deal as defined by most of my other pre-baby freakouts. So what? Diapers are diapers. If I do go with cloth diapers full-time, we'll still be needing the occasional disposable. If for no other reason that sometimes, no matter how crunchy a family tries to be, there are places that require their use. Like the zoo.

Regardless of when the child appears, he will require diapers. Diapers are shelf-stable. I should not lose my shit over the purchase of one package of disposable diapers. No matter how useful or needful they are. This morning I also was pricing cases of Neosure. That's not quite as sobering as the other; but darn near close. Neosure is now running about $105 a case (6 cans of powder). Worth it. I don't think WIC will cover us this time around. There goes another expense for us. I also have to go and pack my hospital bag. I won't bother putting anything in it for Robbie, because if he's born now he won't be coming home with us yet. It'll be a long time off. I'm just all full of bad thoughts this afternoon, aren't I?

This morning I woke up with a bp of 154/105. It came down after several hours of laying on my side. Tomorrow I have my weekly OB appt. I don't know what will happen. I really don't. I'm scared. And tired. And I think of packing a lonely little hospital bag and want to start crying all over again.

It's recommended that you get new quotes on car insurance every year or two. At the very least you should be reviewing your policy terms to make sure that it fits into your current life and situation. High deductibles may save a few dollars off the policy, but what happens if you need to use it? Will that 500 dollar price tag mean a repair you can't afford? Do you have rental coverage for emergencies? Roadside service? Get car insurance quotes today for all your needs. Don't let life happen to you, you happen to it! I've changed companies once already, and I end up changing my policy terms about once a year. Sometimes it's to raise the deductible, sometimes to lower it. I like dealing with companies that let you do the entire thing online. I don't like companies that give you hassles when it comes to managing the paperwork. So far I've been lucky- I've only had to make 4 claims over the course of car ownership. Now, four claims in a decade is a lot- but one was collision beyond my control and the others were all theft-related; and how can you really expect that your car will consistently seem that attractive to burglars? I never thought that. With another baby on the way, you'd better believe I'm going to be double-locking my car from now on.

I'm reading today's babycenter email about my pregnancy at 28 weeks. According to them and to most of the other "authorities", my baby should be two pounds and some about now. The size of a cabbage. They also say that my belly should be making me uncomfortable, and want to sell me creams to reduce stretch marks, and reassure me that I will lose all that baby weight after the birth.

Except... what baby weight? What belly? What cabbage? My last appt we did measurements, and I'm measuring just over 23 weeks. Which means that he's more a mango than a cabbage. Just about a pound now. I have to lift up and hold in my boobs to see the makings of a baby belly. I'm almost losing weight from pre-pregnancy at this point. It's a struggle to remind myself that I really am pregnant, and not showing unless I take steps to make that happen, and to the average person on the street I'm going to have adopted this new baby- because obviously I've never been pregnant. I'll be one of those "lucky" women who don't struggle to regain their figure. Again. I'm diabetic, but skinny as a rail and whenever I have to tell someone that I'm on insulin these days to control it they look at me blankly and say "but, you're not overweight!" as if that is some magic reason why I can't possibly be pregnant, or diabetic, or have high blood pressure to these levels. It is possible, people. I'm all of these things.

This weekend we're still nursing colds. The Toddler, the Gram, and me. I'm only having a mild sore throat today though, which is good, but which is not improving my mood. More bed rest. Even more fluids. Even more and more of the monitoring.

I lay in bed at night and whisper "grow big" to my belly and the baby inside. I pray that he grows big and fast and strong. Our time together grows limited- I am giving up all those illusions and delusions of getting even to 32 weeks now. I just want him to grow big and fast and strong so he'll have a fighting chance.

Am I so horribly damaged, that I can't even manage what millions of women do every year? That I cannot sustain my unborn children until they're able to breathe on their own? I'll be spending hours in a chair by another isolette; hours of lonely work cursing at a breast pump with little to show for it. But if God is merciful, we'll both survive these next months.

Here we are at 5pm. The sun has set. The blogging for today has been done. The month is halfway over, the christmas decorations in town have been raised, and I'm ready for bed. This is crazy. Chalk it up to the not feeling good. I feel some sort of deep-seated need to outlast the Toddler to bedtime, despite being surround by two very capable adults who are willing to handle things. So why can I not just give in and go to bed? God only knows. I sure don't. But that seems to be the way this evening is shaping up...

the Gram has announced her intentions for bed. So that means that I'm here. For the duration. I'm here, the Toddler is still awake, and in a few minutes I'm thinking of laying back down on the couch to "rest". By which definition is now "let Toddler crawl over you and pound you with board books". That's cool though. She's two. It's her way.

Good night, all, whereever you are. See you in the morning. Don't do anything too crazy now.

The really cool thing that happened today was that I got a chance to try out a few new products. We got a Smencil (cherry flavored), some rainbow candles, and instant snow powder. The snow powder was the biggest hit with the Toddler- I mixed it up with ice water and let her have a sensory experience in the living room. Sensory play is great to help her with some of her issues. It also has the benefit of relaxing her, stimulating just the right combination of things to help her sleep better at night and focus better in the evening before bedtime, and using the snow powder was enough different from her rice table that it gave her a new sensation.

Other offerings from VAT19 include the USB LED Desk Lamp, which would come in really handy during some light night computer sessions. It has an off/on switch, which is better than having to crawl behind the computer -if you don't have a laptop- for plugging, unplugging, plugging...



Here we have two pictures. Toddler with Snow, Toddler with Shovel. The Snow shots didn't come out as nice as I would have wished- I put it in a baking pan on a tray on the floor. As promised, the snow vacuumed up quite easily. Non-toxic, easy cleanup, lots of fun. It was perfect.

The Toddler is sick. A sniffleupagus has invaded her body, causing warm skin, flushed face, and a river of snot. Other than that she's feeling just fine; and perfectly willing to carry on her daily life. I fear she has infected me. Not a great fear, mind you, just the acceptance that whatever my child has I'm going to get as a matter of course. This is the price paid by mothers as we tend the kids; as we wipe noses, let them cough all over us, and cuddle them long into the night so they can breathe just that little bit better.

My problem seems to be that not only can I not get comfortable today, my throat is scratchy and I'm thirsty. I could drink a river. Well, a stream. Possibly a rivulet. Although I'd much prefer a never-ending bottle of cold water. I keep falling asleep on my side. I don't want to move. There were a couple really good things that happened here today, and I'm going to concentrate on them as I prepare to hunker down for a long night spent resting and recovering (?!) from this malaise. But I think I can probably chalk the majority of it up to the pregnancy.

On the first day of Christmas Coupon Shopping, the Net offered to me: the perfect delivered fresh-cut fir tree. This is just one of the offerings included in the Top 10 Christmas Gifts list. This site offers a wide variety of gifts; each portrayed in a short post with images and a review of the company offering them. From candy to gift baskets, cosmetics to christmas trees delivered to your front door from the same nursery supplying the White House this season, this place can give you a new and unique spin on each gift on your list. I'll admit that this year I am spending more time looking at the offerings as possible things to treat myself with than I am looking at the things I'd like to give my loved ones. In my defense I'll point out that it's only because I've pretty much already decided what I'm giving them. The Toddler gets a sliding board shaped like a carrot. And a tent where she can take all her books and hide. The Gram gets something well suited to her tastes and personality. The same for the Boy. I can't tell you what they get because they might read this page and then they'd know- and I have enough trouble keeping my mouth shut about what I buy for people without giving it up that easy.

Have you noticed that the baby industry has gotten nearly as carried away as the wedding industry? There's tons of stuff that is all "must-have". How much does a person really, truly, honestly need? I don't know, but it's certainly not anywhere near what the lists tell you.

I could spend hundreds and thousands of dollars going on the necessity lists off Amazon and babycenter. Do I really need a bouncer, exersaucer, bumbo, and three types of baby wraps? Do I absolutely need the entire baby enstein collection? Plus toys? Plus a bottle warmer, wipe warmer, sterilizer, mobiles that light up and play tunes? Where and what can I draw the line on? I know more now than I did when I was pregnant the first time. I am actually able to know what I'll use, what I'll likely continue to regard as a waste of money and effort. This, I see as a good thing. I also have a ton more confidence that I'll still be a good mother even if I don't have all the latest and greatest gadgets.

It's a challenge when you can't plan ahead "properly". In an ideal world, we'd all have our vacations and trips planned months in advance, with the best deals on hotels, cars, flights, meals... in short, with every last detail worked out and making the entire experience a smooth and painless process. It's a pity that life just won't work that way. If you're like the rest of us, often there will come up some little thing that makes you have to scramble. Last Minute Hotel Rooms are one of the biggest expenses when it comes to traveling. Flights, I've found, might be an extra hundred or two and may be frazzling to nerves and hair, but they're of a limited duration. A connection or two and they're over. Hotel rooms have to be considered a lot more carefully. That's where the majority of us find our solace from the craziness of the trip. When I go out traveling, I reach my destination tired and frazzled (especially with infant in arms) and I need something to soothe me. I look forward to reaching my room, to kicking off shoes and finding a quiet haven to erase the stress of the trip. Using a site like this one (see link above) would help me find the best deal on the best room- saving money, saving my mental health, and making the entire trip that much more pleasant. Why should I pay through the nose for something to be my haven and not have a good time? That's not sense.

Paid blogging, yadda-yadda, sponsored posts, yadda-yadda, selling ads... make thousands a day from home, let google work for you, the latest google smackdown of PR... I used to talk about work to my family. Now I talk PR and googlesmacks and Alexa ranks and how many/what kind of paid opportunities I can take day to day. As I've mentioned before, it is possible to make money blogging and sitting on the couch. It is possible to get some income doing this; just as some people are able to make some income on ebay and amazon and etsy. As anything else, it's a job. Me? I blog. I'm good at writing. At electronic babbling. I even have a fairly decent readership at the moment, which does wonders for my self-esteem. I get a boost from reading comments, and I get a boost from seeing my paypal balance increase a little at a time. I'm not unique. At a guesstimate I would think that half the blogs I read are making that little bit extra through their blogs; either by selling textlinks or ads or those sponsored post bits.

Want to know something wierd? I dream in blogging now. Last night I dreamed I was babysitting for a lady who runs one of my daily reading blogs. She wrote a post about me. Just the thought that I had been mentioned on her high-profile blog made me all warm and fuzzy. A Bloglebrity.

It goes to show that sometimes the subconscious tells you things that you already kinda knew but didn't really know how important it had become. So blogging is now my job. It's worth my time and it pays me to sit here coming up with blurbs three or four times a day. It's worth the time and trouble for a whole bunch of housewives who know not to get involved with MLMs, with work-at-home promises that seem to either require massive amounts of upfront money or unreasonable returns. I'm sure that a decent portion of work-at-home jobs are real; but just like with any other job you've got to look at your own needs and figure out what is going to work.

Are you the sort that socializes easily and with lots of people, always picking up new friends and acquaintances and finding it easy to talk with them? Look for the ones that get you out of the house and involve those people. Are you a shy introvert who finds it difficult to get out of the house or to even talk to the people you already know? Find something that lets you play on your strengths! I'm in the latter half, although I'm fairly good at stringing words together. We're on a tight income; can't afford to put the toddler in daycare to go out and get a real job, underlaying medical reasons that make that impractical in any case. Blogger has free blogs. I was blogging in any case. I found a reputable company to start getting paid for this. I tried it out, didn't put too much time into it until the payouts happened. When it proved to be everything promised I went all out- this is my job now in addition to the mother and housewife aspect of me. Twenty minutes here and there. Thirty minutes here and there to read new blogs every day as much as I catch up with the ones I read just for me. Comment. Post. Read forums and articles on how to blog better. Read current events. Read lots. Comment and post lots. Never comment just to fill space- always put something of quality out there so that my readers will forgive the times when I get sloppy/lazy/have a bad day and are just trying to get something out on paper to get through another day. I know you can tell. I can tell too. Everytime I post something that is just too awful I feel bad and make myself leave it up as a warning to myself to do better the next time.

The next couple of weeks I'm going to be bringing in the Christmas shopping money. After that who knows? I'm being googlesmacked again; my PR rose briefly to let me take all those high-paying posts and this week it's dropped to a big fat zero. Which makes no posts available beyond a bare handful of choices. And there are plenty of people who are depending on these posts to pay the bills this season. They're like me. They have young kids. They have to balance school, work, family, kids, bills and mortgages and rent to pay. Paid blogging makes it easier for us all to get by. We don't have to sacrifice the time with our babies to work outside the home. But there are weeks like this one when we're looking at the holidays and the tight budgets and the lack of an income we've been starting to count on to make the ends meet. We're all afraid. We can see the tight times closing in. We try to reassure each other that it's a cycle, that it'll go through again, that things will improve in a couple of weeks and we'll be okay. The company we're mostly working for understands this concerns and seem to be trying to do something about it. Does that help those fears today?

I don't have an answer for that.

We're getting closer and closer to the holidays, and gift-giving season is upon us once again. Where are you shopping to get the most for your money? I've been looking at Coupon Chief again because I think they do provide the best collection of coupon deals for my family. With as much online shopping as I do, I feel it's especially important to use those coupons to get better deals. Money is tight, after all, in so many houses besides this one. Why not use every tool you can to spend as little as possible? Squirrel away those extra pennies- they add up too, and when this is all over you can afford a little extra something whether that be adding it to your rainy day fund or a new pair of fuzzy slippers. One thing my motherinlaw is thinking about is how she can get the best deal on plane fare out here when the baby comes along. She could look here for Orbitz deals. Maybe my Boy will go to Blue Nile for a coupon? I'm not much for diamonds, officially, but I do like a sparkle or two and I've got a feeling that after this baby comes along I'm going to deserve a little extra treat or two. Not that he doesn't treat me plenty- but this is the sort of occasion that needs something more.

Meet Sadie Mae. Sadie Mae is a figment of my imagination; she's one of those Stepford Housewives, the sort that I never thought to see in my head. Note the frilled apron. There's a smudge of flour on the pocket, and a small rip somewhere near the sash because there's also a small child running around here who likes to tug at Mommy's skirt to get attention. When someone comes to the door, she hides her face in that apron and shyly peeks around the side. Just like in those old moves and books; the odd sort of thing that seems so precious but then you stop and think that hey- that's just toddler behavior and they'll do it if given the right setting.

I have been thinking a lot on Sadie Mae lately. The idealized housewife, the “ideal” that's still stirring in the back of my brain. Gives me something to do when I'm laying down and resting. Something to while away all those long afternoons and evenings. Call it what you will. Maybe I'm hiding from reality in this. Maybe I'm coming through something else and starting another in the endless stream of transformations. I don't know who I'll be in six months. I don't know who I'll be tomorrow, come to think of it. While the core of a person doesn't really change much beyond a certain age, the outer shell and persona can change in so many different ways due to circumstance. Every blessed thing that happens to and around us has the power to shift things slightly. A strong person brushes most of it off. A weaker personality doesn't. For those people this change is much more pronounced.

Having my Toddler changed me forever. Pregnancy changed me, motherhood changed me, staying home and economizing changed me. It's constantly changing me. I'm becoming more me. Less than what I was. Not ever less, always more, always different. I'm looking forward to what will happen in another week and month. What will the New Year bring us? Another day in paradise.

*don't forget to stop by my other blog, Living Green On Less. I'm trying to revive it and post more frequently, and remember that you can help support the site by visiting the Goldfish Cracker links.

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My Toddler seems to be into running around with her blankie these days. She doesn't want to let go of it until a few hours after breakfast- which I don't mind so much because we do laundry every two days or so. And so we launder it constantly. Just enough to keep the chocolate stains and banana stains and juice/milk/ketchup stains out of it.

I wonder what it is, that small children enjoy bathing in food so much? It's a great tactile experience for them. Wonderful for exploring textures, sensory, all those other things that kids have to know and get into in order to make the most of their world. Unfortunately there's still a small part of me that wonders why it seems so necessary for them to accumulate the experiences on their clothing. There's got to be a way to learn with bathing in applesauce every afternoon.

Before I got pregnant, I had to think about what this was going to do to my heart. Last time there was preeclampsia to consider. There's always been the longterm heart damage from the adriamyacin and vincristine and cyclophosamide and the other one to consider. What impact did that leave? What new information do we have? Can my heart sustain the stresses of pregnancy and post partum again?

The field of cardiac medicine still makes leaps and bounds forward all the time. Specialists need to find the best tools, the easiest ones to handle and perform the job. Porter Medical is one of the up and coming companies that designs and markets such devices; they are making new strides into the field of cardiac medicine with an aortic punch. If I had to go under the knife, I'd want my doctor to use the best tool available to him. We all hope that day won't arrive, but sometimes it's good to know what to expect just in case.

This morning the fog kisses the ground like a soft cotton batting. As we drove over to the base, lights were all along the horizon like little white firefly jewels in the fog. So pretty. I wanted to close my eyes and sink back in the seat and let the experience wash over me. I wanted to go back to sleep.

Sleep, however, is not quite in my cards right now. The growing baby needs the room, and it seems he also requires my sleep ability. Even though I'm tired, all the time, he can't quite get comfortable. Still growing, albeit slowly, and I'm very grateful for that. The doctor report of the week is that we've passed the crisis point. This time. There will be other crisis before the end, it's a given that I won't get to what the majority of people call term, that all we're really doing now is taking it week by week and running with that. Praying a lot that the pressure stays down. That the baby keeps growing. That I will not be a mother again before Christmas.

The Boy and I talked it over and we're shooting for Christmas as a realistic goal right now. He still wants to wait until the due date. He's ready to look at reality in the out-loud voice now. I don't know whether or not that bodes well for us. No doubt everything will happen just as it should. I will continue to behave myself and wait for the next appt. And the one after that. And the one after that.

Digital pictures are just one of those must-have items for our household. With the entire extended family on the other coast, how else will we satisfy hungry grandmotherly impulses? Prints are expensive, then they cost to send, and then they gather dust. I don't have room around here for things gathering dust. The only things allowed to gather dust are my procrastinating impulses for cleaning. Right now I've got an HP camera, but I'm meaning to get a new memory card for it so that I can store all the pics indefinately. We can fit nearly two hundred on a single card the size of my thumbnail. Just try that with film! Plus it's easier to manipulate decent pictures. I inherited my mother's picture taking gene. I take pictures of my thumb, of half-heads, of blurry things. digital cameras changed my life. I can immediately erase the worst of my efforts. Failures?? Efforts. The preview pane is also worth it's weight in AA batteries. And then there's the new baby issue of never having time enough, energy enough, to get out and take pictures. I'm not really a take a million pictures kind of person, and when it's easy is when I tend to do it. Having a preemie made me glad I could take a picture. It was hard to get a good take with the isolette- when the glare from the flash glittered off of every reflective surface. And the preview pane could be seen through the plastic, so I could get a halfway decent picture without exposing my little girl to the unwarmed regular air of the outside world.

I need to avoid that experience next time. Let's get this next baby born, and home, and then I can fill this blog with cute pictures of an adorable baby boy and toddler girl. Together, with no tubes, and with me not in ICU for days on end. I know, it was only two days or so, but it felt longer. It always feels longer.

I got tagged by Tina for this meme.

Here are the rules:

When tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list eight random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to eight other people. It’s fun. Give it a shot. It’s also a great way to get to know other bloggers.

OK, so 8 random things about me:

* I was very stubborn from the moment I was born.
* I keep my spare change in a china sugar bowl despite knowing better.
* My bed is never made unless my mom does it.
* I spent too much time of the internet (stole this one from Tina's meme, but it's true!)
* Despite the problems with this pregnancy I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
* Sometimes I think my Boy never grew up.
* I Heart the Grocery Store, and would spend hours there if I could find a reason.
* I don't like the holidays as much as I should, but I'm learning to like them for my babies.

I'm being lazy and not tagging anyone right now, but if you'd like to play along let me know and I'll be sure to leave a comment on your post.

If we do end up homeschooling, I know I'll need extra support when it comes to math. Math has never been my strong area, despite seeming to test well in it. I don't know why; maybe I just think differently when it comes to algebra? But I'm going to have at least one very bright child, and that means I want to do the best that I can possibly do for her. The Score program offers a wide range of options to best meet her future needs. Small group settings so that she can have a social experience. One-on-one work as needed to address specific goals with well-qualified Math Tutors. In those hands, I won't worry that she'll fall into the same crack I did.

I brought in yesterday's mail this afternoon to see some small vindication. Remember the issues we've been having with the electric company, who seem to randomly assign numbers to our meter reading? Well, in the mail was the corrected statement, reflecting that we now have a Huge Credit balance.

To celebrate this new-found sanity, we don't have to write them a check for a few months. I'm looking forward to that. Immensely. Instead of writing them a check on payday, I'm buying a new car seat for the Little Bit. Instead of obsessing over yet another insanity month, I'm going to stay calm. Since my post-dinner blood sugar was on the low side, I'm eating a twizzler left over from Halloween. And I'm going to be laying on my side for the rest of the night while feeling good about the whole package tonight.

So here I am. It's after dinner, the Toddler is being sung to sleep by my mom, the Boy is outside having his after-dinner-pipe, and I'm sitting on the Net trying to think of something relevant to say before admitting that I'm really tired, really hungry, and really disinclined to move my butt off this chair and do something about any of the above conditions.

What do you do with a sleepy Toddler? You wash their face, put them in clean jammies, and tuck them up in bed after a nice cup of chocolatey milk and some wonderful cuddles. You rub noses and give eskimo kisses. You cuddle and snuggle and they get all wonderful warm and sleepy. In the best of worlds, that is. The other side of that is when they're overtired and cranky and don't want to deal with any of it. That is what happens when Tiff starts screaming and crying, and I'm not going to be seeing that tonight because everything is being taken care of by someone else. I should be laying down now. Why am I not?

Good question. I suspect it has something to do with not wanting to move out of this chair. But I'm gonna be good and do what I'm supposed to do, and see everybody in the morning. Pleasant dreams!

In my family, we bake. While some genetic trees carry with them the ability to be good cooks, there are a subset of good bakers. Mennonites are both. Frequently, it is in baking that we reach the pinnacle of Yum. My dear late Great-Aunt Norma had a recipe that she loved and passed down for electric mixer bread. She had kids, as did everybody back then (or very nearly everybody) and as the mother of a curious toddler I can attest that the kids really do get everywhere and want every second of your attention. All The Time. Especially if Mommy's doing something interesting. Even more so if this interesting thing is not something that she thinks is safe for Toddler fingers to be into. I would love to be back into baking bread every other day in my kitchen. When this baby gets born I'm going to be back kneading my bread dough and enjoying that warm yeasty smell. But where to find the time to really get into it? Corners will have to be cut somewhere, and that means my hand mixer is going to have to give way to something more hands-off and childcare friendly.

This is where a stand mixer is going to save my sanity. The Hamilton Beach® Mixer is a good choice for me. Hamilton Beach® Stand Mixer comes in colors, and will make it even easier to get my kids cooking and baking with me as part of their daily life. My mom never saw a point in banning me from the kitchen even though I now know I was often more trouble than help -especially in clean-up time. Her point was that if I learned on the real stuff I'd learn better and be able to cook instead of only knowing “pretend cooking” on equipment that did not behave or react like the real thing. Which I'm sure saved my tushie countless times when I did start preparing meals all on my own.

Electric Mixer Bread:
1 1/4cp warm water
2Tbsp soft shortening
1tsp salt
1 pkg yeast
2Tbsp sugar
3 cp flour

Proof the yeast in a warm mixing bowl. Stir all in but one cup flour; beat at medium speed 2 minutes. Scrape down sides of bowl. Add the last cup of flour and beat in with a spoon. Cover and let rise 30 minutes. Beat about 25 strokes. Pour into buttered loaf pan (dough will be sticky) and rise, covered, until it comes to 1/4” of the top. Bake 45 minutes at 350degrees.

Eclectrics® Mixer

Somehow this morning I went from a PR3 to PR2. Not such a big deal, but it's taking me for a loop. Just another word to go as a warning; never put all your eggs in one basket. Never count on all those nice high-paying opportunities for paid posts to keep coming in head over heels. I've been able to make hay over the past couple of weeks; a nice steady stream of Good pin money that will make the holiday season much more enjoyable. Now it's drying up again.

I'm choosing to look at this like every other job and occupation. There are swings up and down. Slow points and fast points. Make the most of the good times and don't get so disheartened by the bad ones. This is just one weekend, and until Google gets over whatever bee in it's bonnet is currently there, we'll all have to batten down and ride it through.

Chin up!

Steven King does a great plot. I love his books, his movies, especially if there's someone around to put their arms around me. My first exposure was watching the two part version of It, and that was also the first time I ever had nightmares about clowns. (Go figure). On the other hand, it also helped me get through my nightmares about algebra. After that I mostly just stuck to his books. Easier to visualize, less scary, no nightmares.

The Mist by Stephen King is being released in a few weeks, and if I weren't on bedrest I'd want to go see it. It's the perfect date movie for my Boy and I. It provides the perfect opportunity for me to sneak a few snuggles under the guise of needing "comforting". He thinks it's silly and slightly cute- this may be because neither of us really made out in a movie theater as teenagers, and now that we're all grown up and practically adults (what with a toddler and a infant due any month now) I'd love to be able to get flagged by an usher for snogging in the back row.

One thing I've gotten to like in the past couple of months is finding movie trailers online. If there's a movie I really want to watch, if there's a trailer I like, I don't have to hope it comes on during commercials anymore. I can just go right to the movie site and look it up. This is where highspeed Net comes in handy. Come to think, I don't think this household could function on anything less than broadband anymore. Certainly not smoke signals. Yeah, it's expensive. But when you weigh in all the stuff we don't spend money on... I guess it all comes out even in the end.

Last night was good. I slept next to my Boy, and it was good except the part where I had to get up and feed the Little Bit. Aren't this early feedings not supposed to start until birth? So I ate early, went to sleep again, and missed my morning BP pill. Which meant, it seems, that when I did wake up I had a pressure in the Not Good range. Which was solved by laying down again. On the right side.

I'm the only woman in the world, it feels like, with this particular problem. Why is my blood so frigging wierd? Why is it that when I follow the standard "lay on left side" advice, my pressure skyrockets? When I lay on the other side, the pressure goes back down like it would otherwise? I do not know. It's weird.

The Boy has wanted to live in NYC ever since I met him. I have the feeling that this is going to be the first whole family vacation we take -when the kidlets are older. Hopefully when we get to do the New York CityPass will still be available. Like many famous attractions, New York has started bundling special entertainment packages to make it easier and less of a hassle for visitors. These books are filled with prepaid admission tickets to several of the places you're likely to visit. The Guggenheim, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, along with sightseeing excursions. Not only does this allow you to skip the main ticket lines and get right to the good stuff, these books save you about 50% off the normal admission fees.

I even know a few people who would love this. College kids in nearby states are always getting the chance to hop a bus up to NYC. Why not send them this gift for Christmas and help them spend an extra day or two getting the sights in? The books are valid for three months; you can take two trips up there, or three, and spread the joy out over a longer period of time. I love museums. I always have. I adore wandering through them for hours, taking my time, reading all the little blurbs and brochures and sometimes just finding a seat and watching people watch the exhibits. Part of my love for history I guess. This is something I'd like to instill in the kidlets. As soon as I can convince everybody to cooperate.

Add to my reading list!

Anybody got a favorite book or series that they can recommend for my library queue? I'm open to anything right now; looking for a few new good ideas to help while away the upcoming weeks without losing my mind too dramatically. Besides, I can rest while my eyes are busy. And this is one of the few things that the Toddler respects when she sees me doing it.

Unlike my lung capacity.

The Boy is on a plane heading this way now! My hug-supplier and all-around-comfort-object is going to be with me tonight! Love to all.

Gasp! Breathe! My post-breakfast glucose is Normal! Solidly, firmly, normal again. I have not seen an actual true-normal reading since the Shots of Doom! This is cool. Seriously cool. The only thing better would be if I could manage to lose the shortness of breath caused by a small and cute child determined to snuggle with mommy's lap for a story despite mommy's having to lay on one side which means the only snuggle surface available to her is the part I need to breathe with.

Why does mommy need to breathe? Toddler is not sure of this. She doesn't think mommy's need anything, and besides which, her book must be the most important thing here. This is one point of the discussion. And Oh! The horror of it all! We've had two crying spells this morning because mommy had to evict her from the warm nest in order to grab a breath.

Sibling rivalry is starting young in this house. It's not my attention they're vying for today, it's my lung capacity.

Way back when my teeth started falling to pieces in my mouth, I was facing a lot of problems. Already socially shy to the point of pain, my teeth were one of the things I was least proud of. All those pictures where they want you to smile? Show teeth? Forget it. I learned early how to smile broadly without showing teeth, and would not no matter how much they cajoled me. This is in spite of great dental care my whole childhood, so don't think that my mom never took me to the dentist or didn't agonize endlessly over my tooth hygiene either. No, my tooth woes were a result of having chemo when the permanent teeth were forming and coming in.

Towards the end, I couldn't hold a filling in my teeth for more than a few days or weeks. They'd been filled and drilled and filled and drilled so much that there was very little left of structure in some places. And then the filling would always come back out. Nerves exposed in some places. Not only not pretty but very painful and there was nothing we could do to make a temporary dental repair. Now there's options for this sort of situation. Dentemp OS. It provides a fast and temporary fix for your problem. Premixed vials means less mess and no fuss. Just apply, pop that loose filling or crown back in place, wait thirty minutes, and you're eating without pain again. This stuff is FDA and dentist approved so you won't be doing something bad for your teeth (anyone been tempted to use superglue on your dental issues because you're just that desparate for relief?

Don't make yourself suffer unnecessarily. This is one of those things that's good to have around, just in case, in the medicine cabinet. Because like a bunch of other things, when you need it you need it NOW. And you don't want to wait for pain relief.

It's been a wild ride this week, hasn't it? One thing after another. Boy gone for the week, Toddler not sleeping/sleeping/not sleeping. Blood pressure alarms. Blood sugar highs. Baby activity low due to combinations of any and all of the above. It makes me pleased to report a mild Friday morning in this house.

Finally the steroids wore their way out of my system. I slept last night for several hours, undisturbed by the demands of Hungry Baby that Ate Mommy. Woke up to a nice, normal fasting blood sugar reading. A nice, low blood pressure reading. A happy and well rested toddler at her usual breakfast time instead of the early time. My Boy will be able to get an earlier flight back home than he first assumed, and so will be returning to his family and home this afternoon instead of the middle of tonight or "sometime" this weekend.

Let's see if the military scheduling is actually accurate today. Because I'm starting to think fond thoughts of my family together tonight.

The Little Bit we've been so worried about this week is starting to wiggle and kick again. He did not seem amused by the steroids, or the high sugar numbers, but this morning he started moving vigorously again. Makes a momma's heart get all mushy. Watching the feel-good morning news spots on other cute and chubby babies didn't hurt either.

Back to my floor-rest for the morning. Thanks to everyone for their prayers and good thoughts during this time. It's been much appreciated.

We are living in a society increasingly geared toward being tuned in and turned on all the time. Mobile technology allows us to keep this plugged in feeling no matter where we go or what we do. This has fueled a new theme through all of the mobile advertising I see lately. Everyone, everywhere, promised the solution for all of your needs at a low price. Cut down on the gadgets you now can't live without by getting an iPhone that can make all of these things available to you in one device that slips into a slim line pocket on those designer jeans. These are just some options available to you in the age of premium sms services. Also reaching a new popularity again is mobile billing- you can pay your bill through your phone with the payment method on file. One touch dialing really has come a long way.

The first article I linked to is about sms marketing. This is also showing more and more popularity. Maybe not so much in this sleepy little town, but I keep reading about it in the forums I frequent and on the news. The day when the entire country has internet as "cheaply" and easily as they have basic sanitation services is drawing closer and closer. They can take away our cheap gas, but nobody better take away the internet! Or any one of the seventeen billion ways to access the rest of humanity. Instant messaging, photo sharing, or the ability to reach as many people as you want for one low price every month.

I thought my handwriting had suffered when I stopped working outside the home. Then I ended up here. This past week I've written the majority of every post out on a steno pad while laying on one side and a bunch of pillows. My handwriting, surprisingly, has been waiting for me. Good thing I can type fast, right? Then I can make the most of my limited time sitting up in a chair.

Maybe it's just my imagination brought forth by bedrest, steroids, insulin, glucose gone haywire... but I could swear I finally have a little baby bump. Of course you still couldn't tell it to look at me. Big boobs. They're impressive enough with sag, even more so with a built in shelf.

Either way I feel incredibly content with this. A baby bump. A visible sign of pregnancy even if I'm the only one who will ever know it's there.

For now I'm resting. Lots of resting. By this weekend the new meds will all have settled to where they're supposed to be. I'll lose some of this anxiety. Let's all pray for that.

Not only is November the national prematurity awareness month, it's also Alzheimer's Awareness Month. Both are near and dear to this family, for the more recent preemie issues that have taken place and for the tragic affects that Alzheimer's has had on our loved ones in the past. To encourage Alzheimer's Awareness in the public, the national memory screening is making an enforced effort to let people know that memory screenings are a critical part of your future health especially if you are at risk for this condition. Memory screenings not only can point up early warning signs of Alzheimers, but they can provide a valuable baseline for younger adults. Why wait to get a baseline of your memory until it's possible that there has been some loss? Get your baseline now, and provide your doctors the best information they need to give you the right care later on. The best holiday gift you can give someone is the gift of remembering.

Locate a memory screening site near you by visiting this site. Consider making a donation this season to help fund research into cures for Alzheimer's, so that in our lifetime we may find a solution to that long dark slide. I feel that the dual awareness months I'm celebrating this November are two sides of a coin- I'm remembering preemies for that long dark ride up. There are no guarantees, only hope and prayer and faith that lives come out of the NICU and go on to be shining symbols of humanity. Alzheimer's is the other end of that slide when the light goes slowly out. If everyone joined together to be educated about these things, to support the families and friends of families who wind up suddenly stricken with that emotional roller-coaster, I believe this world would continue to be a happier and more supportive place to live in.

Pass the torch. Keep the candles burning. Don't let the light go out.

Adorable Toddler strikes again.

Last night she's circling the kitchen table looking for something new and exciting to get into. She picks up my blood pressure cuff. The cuff doesn't really amuse her but the monitor unit has big buttons.

She jiggled the buttons, not finding the on/off switch, and thus gets nothing for her efforts. Putting the unit to her ear, she says "Hello? Hello?" For some reason that didn't do anything either, so she punched the buttons a few more times and then put it back.

Isn't it amazing how we watch them explore their worlds? Everything is new, so new, and right now she's developing the ability to use all her previous experience in figuring out what new objects are for. Of course she won't talk to us to ask for help, but it's alright. Someday she's going to get her hands on a working phone that does something without needing a grownup to stand next to her.

Furniture from home

Why put myself through the bother of buying furniture in a retail store environment, dragging a toddler (toddler and infant?) along, both likely to be grabby and cranky, and then try to find what I'm really looking for? Anytime I pay that kind of money for quality stuff, I do not want to settle on anything. Either it meets my needs and price or it doesn't. Now I can buy from the comfort of my home, from a reputable place that takes care of you every step of the way to make it as painless and smooth as possible. I could get bar stools for the kitchen breakfast bar. I could buy new Dining Room Furniture. And for our new bedroom furniture, Storage Beds.

Southern California Delivery Service is available now! The website has great pictures, it's easy on the eyes, and the contact information is all over the place if you're more comfortable reaching to a customer service person in the flesh.

Honestly, I've always been more comfortable making purchases online than I have been in person. I hate going out and interfacing with people when I'm just looking, or don't have a firm idea of exactly the piece I want. How much so is this a problem when dragging squirmy kids along (no matter how cute they are)? And so this is how when I'm rich enough to afford real stuff, this is the retailer I'll be buying from.

I get asked why I don't IM with family and friends. I don't think there's one single answer to that, but I'll try to get to the heart of it here. The IM texting language that has grown around this sets my teeth on edge. Grammar suffers, spelling is ignored, and anything I spend more time translating than understanding annoys me when it is ostensibly a language that I speak fluently.

So I email. I email a LOT. I email conversations with the Boy so much that I look forward to having all the in-depth hard relationship conversations when he's away. I've said it before that we communicate best online. Especially on emotional topics. There's no rush in finding the right words or visualizations.

Whatever works, right?

If you are like a lot of other Americans, sometimes you need a quick payday loan just to meet unexpected bills. It's now easier then ever to compare rates and fees from several companies by using No Fax Payday Loans. The whole thing can be done over the internet with loans from $200 to $1500 in a day. This site also has calculators to help you figure out just how much you need in order to stay afloat financially. As always, be sure that when you take a loan of this type it's not robbing Peter to pay Paul. If you're chronically short all the time, consider other solutions than constantly revolving payday loans. The more responsible consumers are, the less problems we face in finding the help we need.

Touching back on an earlier topic or two- what do I feed the iPod? That's an interesting though. There are always one or three songs that seem to speak to my spirit. Deep down speaking. The kind of song that says "yes. I get this. That is what I mean every word of."

Currently this list seems to start with a live version of Silent Lucidity. Followed by Serenity. Others vary. Last night I followed with Nothing Else Matters. Bleakish? Yes. do they give comfort to me and always manage to keep me doing what I've got to do? Yes. Is it totally sacriligious to find myself praying these songs in the inner silence that comes with listening to those songs? That I bundle up the depression and fear and anxiety and send them up to God to hold because I'm not big enough to carry them?

I don't have any answer at all to that.

I hear the world will end in fire
Smoke rising to heaven
Carry the prayers of a world gone mad
Too much to do
Never time enough
Make the most of every moment
Cradle your infant to sleep
Love your husband
Life is short, time fleeting
Robs us in the middle of the night of what we hold dear
Do not let yourself be taken short
Fight the dark rising

How can I do something unique if this baby does come early enough to necessitate a NICU stay? I don't want to be forgotten, just another sad new mother leaving in a wheelchair without her baby. Like I felt last time. Even though those around me did everything that they could to make me feel special. I could use banner stands that make a statement. Something fun, unique, that would make me giggle a little to see. Something with colors. Something that stands out on our quiet little culdesac. A banner stand would be great in terms of keepsake- I could bring it inside later on, store it, mount it somewhere in the nursery until our Robbie comes home to us.

Or there could be a miracle for me again. I could hold this baby inside another month. In which case I'd so get a banner just to celebrate our joy.

Went to the doctor. Had my first steroid shot this morning; the second gets injected tomorrow. The doctor is hoping that we can delay two more weeks to deliver this baby. How does this make me feel? Not sure yet. I'll get back to you with more information later... after I've rested some more and thought about everything lots.

Steroid injections are recommended if a premature delivery is anticipated. The purpose is to help the baby's lungs mature at an accelerated rate; this will cut down if not prevent entirely the time spent on a vent should premature delivery be called for. The first time I was pregnant I was able to get both shots before delivering, and my 31weeker only spent 1 and a half days on the vent.

Right now I'm 26 weeks pregnant.

Every now and then I get bored and start thinking about how much information is out there, somewhere, on the Net. And how can you find out the most stuff? A site like Spock! While not a social networking site along the lines of facebook or myspace, they do have some abilities like those sites (instant messaging, for one). In the space of a few clicks I found information on Julia Roberts and Sesame Street. Members are able to add information to the site. Registration is easy and free, although it did take a few extra minutes to wait for my confirmation email to show up in the inbox.



And why am I so interested in Julia Roberts this morning? I was chatting with the Boy, and he likes her (mostly as a redhead) and it came up. Also, for whatever reason, I think she's one of the few celebrities that hasn't sold completely out as she got "on" in her career. Think about it- there has been very little of the bad behavior of the sort that follows some front-pagers around. This alone makes me like a person. While nobody's perfect under the microscope, she seems to have withstood the test of fame quite well, displaying grace and poise. Which makes her not only a good actress, but somebody who's got their act together. And that's the kind of actress/star that I want to know more about.

Interestingly enough, I found the layout of Spock to be easier on my senses than facebook or myspace, or any other of the more popular engines. I could go straight to what I needed to do without any of that annoying video embeds. I could skip over choosing my language, or signing in, and just get a quick result. Isn't that the best part of navigating this sort of site? I think so. Easy on the eyes and the nerves.

I'm still searching for validation of my choices. I should be over this, shouldn't I? But it seems that everyone looks for validation all the time. No matter how old you get, no matter what benchmarks of social success you enjoy, you're looking for validation that you are a Good Person. Whether it's in money or society; if you have material possessions you're doing okay, right? If you've got a ton of friends and acquaintances and can go out or call someone new every night of the week. If you get invited to parties and bbq's. If you have a new car every three years.

What am I? I'm a SAHM. I blog like it's a parttime job, with hours and coworkers on the Net. In the past month I have been enjoying a small but steady stream of income from treating my blogs like a job. A very welcome stream of income. Is this making me feel more validated in my choices to be online and stay home with my babies? You bet it is. I don't feel so lazy, I don't feel so guilty. I feel like I'm accomplishing something in a way that all my mothering of the Toddler does not provide. Which is ultimately more important to me? Meeting the Toddler's needs for education, for stimulation, for nearly every part of her day. Which gives me a bigger warm fuzzy at the moment? The Net.

I don't think I want to dig deeper into this now, but I probably will think about it lots more the rest of today and hopefully will blog more on the topic throughout this next week. Stay tuned to this site for all the latest breaking developments.

In a year or three, once we're done getting the "catch up" education services for the Toddler, we're probably going to continue to need extra help. She's bright. Lord have mercy on us, she's bright. And stubborn. And my Boy has discussed the possibility of homeschooling with me; so far we're settled on the thought that we're going to have to face all of that with whatever is around at the time. These days with so many philosophies going around, how will we decide on the Innovative Tutor approach that's right for us? Score is a center based program that offers an individualized twist on the small-group learning approach. For the areas in which I can't teach my kids, I can reach out to them to offer the small classes and social type of learning that will be of most benefit to them. Score also offers a free consultation to help parents choose the best approach for their children.

I can never get really put out with the Boy over his book purchases. Why is that? Because 98% of everything he picks up I either have read or want to read before he's finished the first page. Essentially, this means that our book budget gets to be halved- or doubled. Depending on how I'm looking at it. The money goes twice as far, you can buy twice as much, and so much further.

There's a parent-child calendar that we're using a guideline to organize learning experiences for the Toddler. Today they want her to experience the fork. We're using this as a followup to yesterday when we experienced the spoon. Ice cream and tater tots... not together, but both integral parts of this experience. Viva la experience!

Something I've seen in a lot of my friend's sewing rooms are repurposed garage cabinets. They are wonderful. Attractive, functional, easy to clean and setup. I'd love to get a set or three of these for the family room. Another great way to use these in the house is for toy storage. Holiday storage. One family had a lot of baking supplies and animals; to help keep pests of the animal, human, and vermin varieties away from the food they used a giant set of metal cabinets in the kitchen. I thought that was great thinking. When we moved into this house I bought a set of utility shelving from the garage section of a large home store- cheaper than pantry shelving. The setting up and putting together could have gone better, but overall I was happy with it. If you look at what you really need for organization, it pays to look outside the box for good deals on the equipment. Like with wedding things, "home decor" items can be found cheaply in other departments without the bells and whistles. Sure, they may not always be as pretty to look at, but that just lets you get in touch with your creativity when it comes to making it a loved part of your home.

The Toddler is choosing not to respect the return of standard time to our area. I realize she's too young to understand the concept, and I appreciate that it's very hard to get your inner clock to cooperate. But when Mommy really needs that extra hour of laying in bed time to start her day, it would be a nice thing to let her have it.

So after getting us up and dressed and breakfasted, the Toddler chooses to crawl under a blankie on the couch with my floor-rest pillow, a bowl of cheerios, and her milk. I do not understand the logic of a two year old. I guess it's not necessary that I understand it. We're coming to the end of her Teletubbie hour which let mommy do the morning kitchen/wakeup/breakfast/Internet chores. Now what? My options become limited when I've got to lay flat for long stretches of time. This morning I'm choosing to be grateful that I've got the option of laying flat at home. There are plenty of women out there who wish that they had that option, rather than be hospitalized for intensive monitoring/bedrest.

Candle therapy seems to be effective when combined with hot tea and knitting. So... domestic. I've been having all these cravings for fresh fruit lately. I think it's odd, but I've been using it for snacks every night with my bedtime injections.

In my knitting bag tonight: blue socks and matching sweater. Lavender blankie. I do like the waffly blankie pattern. The Toddler seems to like it as well. In the end, that's the important thing I guess, to have the Toddler Seal of Approval.

I used to print a lot more than I do now. Heck, I singlehandedly killed two printers within a year once during my first office job. There was just that much printing that had to be done on a regular basis. Then I came home to be with my baby, and I'd print more except that I have this deep-seated disinclination to pay upwards of $30 for a printer cartridge. This is why Cartridge Finder is a good fit for me and my budget. No more trying to remember the cartridge ID numbers. No more wrong guesses in the store which makes me frustrated and sends me out to the same store twice or more in one day to return the thing. This site lets you start searching by what printer you own, has pictures of said printer to make it easier to confirm, and then doublechecks your buying options against pricegrabber. Best deals, best ink, one stop shopping. All things I'm heavily in favor of.

You know you're a pregnant red-neck-tendancied woman when you sit down to check email and blogs at dawn and eat fruit straight from a can. You know you've come close to losing your mind when you've eaten all the fruit and lift the can to your mouth to start sucking back the juice.

I'm not going to check, because I know damn well it's not going to be on the list of approved foods and juices for gestational diabetes. But this morning it was that or the rocky road in the freezer. Ah. Just another one of pregnancy's little challenges. How is it that I can feed my face every 90 minutes throughout the entire day and still wake up starving like I haven't eaten in a month? I swear, I was not this hungry last time until after the child was born. Still believing this is a good sign...

As I'm sure most people who know me could tell you, I do not lightly put up with idiots and I firmly believe that the most blatant cases of not-thinking should be roundly turned back on the idiots who perpetuate them. One of the top websites in the UK lets you list for 4.95 pounds; that's a pretty good price even over here! I was browsing and found this ad (beware of a woman scorned) which points out the truth of my belief regarding idiots. If you're going to be a person who runs around on your wife, do not register your prized luxury car solely in her name. Because if she has enough incentive to do so, she will hurt you with it. I think the internet publicity is going to bring him more pain long term than the loss of his car.

This website, BuyYourCar also offers New Cars, Used Cars, and Car Loans. A one-stop shopping experience! As I bought my first "new" previously owned car through an online car site here in the states, I can safely say that it takes a lot of the pressure and uncertainty out of the process. You can view thousands of vehicles, compare the specs, get wonderful pictures at all angles, and then armed with your final selections march over to the showroom and do your test drive and buying all in one hour. That's actually how long it took me to buy that first car- one hour. Because I had done all the research and mind making-up before hand. And how wonderful was that for somebody chained to a desk 9 hours a day who did not have all kinds of energy and time to go out and buy cars?

Nothing says love better than a toddler covered in spaghetti sauce. Maybe it was that same toddler five minutes later, in her bubble bath, leaning forward to touch my nose with hers? We giggled, we splashed, I think we set a new splashing record of how many bubbles could bounce out of the bathtub and onto the floor. I know I had fun. Not sure if the fun was enough to cancel out the blood pressure, but it should have been if the universe has any Fair left in it.

For years I had both dry mouth and serious tooth sensitivity. Medications that I had to take were very hard on my whole body, including my mouth. That dry mouth feeling- there's not much you can do to alleviate that. Constantly sip fluids, but plain water does little to mask the underlying sour feeling. So it's flavored fluid. That stuff is murder on teeth because you have to be constantly sipping it to keep your mouth wet, which makes it easier for the dental nasties to grow in there and attack your teeth. Which results in more tooth sensitivity. Which means pain. By the time I had my teeth pulled for dentures, I was eating bland room temperature foods. No real texture, no real taste, nothing too hot or too cold.

My mom just tried out a sample of Biotene. She has the same problems I had, without the underlying enamel damage that led to my whole-mouth tooth extraction. She can still fight for her teeth and has every intention of trying. After trying it twice there was an immediate improvement- the dry mouth she normally has is so much better this afternoon. There are ingrediants built into Biotene that work to fix those dry mouth issues and the sore/bleeding gums that often contribute to sensitive toothpaste

I guess I'm just bored at the moment. I was scrolling down my blogroll, then I had to go down to the Goldfish Cracker Fund to see exactly what type of automated coffee-producing gadget was being displayed, and I idly started scrolling through that list. This is where a "next" button gets dangerous. You can just keep hitting that button over and over again until you find something neat, and then you want to find out what bells it has that can cost over three hundred dollars. For a coffee machine. When the most we've ever paid for a coffee pot was $30, and that had a digital clock.

Of course, I use that coffee pot a lot. Not for coffee, because I can't drink it. For the hot water that produces my hot tea. Delicious, wonderful, hot tea. The kind that brings my pressure down and my contentment with the world up. Tea. Is there a happier word in my vocabulary? Not today there isn't.

We're coasting along so far today; the Toddler had a good night and a better morning. She's thinking about the nap concept right now. Gram has embraced the concept already. I'm looking forward to embracing it later- but I'm slightly dehydrated from all that relaxing yesterday and I need to drink a quart or two of water to recover. Then I expect to spend an hour or two peeing. Still waiting for the at-home catheter kit, so that I can just concentrate on the sleeping without having to get up every two minutes to pee. I know that someone, somewhere has done this. I also know that they make adult diapers for a similar purpose, and I'm not that lazy thank-you-very-much. I'd rather bitch about getting up to pee.

It's been two days since I heard from my Boy. Miss him. This is one reason why I never take him for granted- he goes away like this and I keep seeing all the little things he does around here to make me happier and more productive. He's also really warm, and at the moment I'm feeling chilly.

Last night I fell asleep with the bed creaking, and I was thinking that the time may be sooner that we start getting ready to replace the mattress. We got this bed when we got our first apartment; it was second hand then, although it was nearly new, and it's now been through many changes of address. Including two coasts. I'd really like a memory foam bed next time around; my tossing and turning keeps the Boy up at nights, and he needs his sleep as our own sleep rhythms are so wildly different. Tempurpedic beds look like a good fit for our situation. He can get out of bed without disturbing me, I can have my insomnia and congestion-induced rolling around without disturbing him. For a while it used to get so bad that we considered separate beds; that didn't really appeal to us though. I find it hard to sleep without him there, he finds the same thing (just doesn't care to admit it). Another huge benefit of memory foam systems like the temperpedic is that it relieves pressure on the body. I have lower back pain from time to time that makes it very hard to get comfortable and this system promises relief from that as well.

Why put a blogroll up?

I call mine "Other sites you may enjoy". As far as it goes, that's true. The other part is that it's my internal list of sites I check every day.

Alright. I check it about three times a day. Just in case there's something new and interesting. And because not everybody blogs at the same time every day. If somebody's being wordy one day it may take me a while to get through everything, and sometimes their site won't load right away, and all that stuff. And because I just like reading blogs.

What are your methods of keeping up? Do you have a bookmark folder for your blogs? Do you have a good enough memory to remember all the blogs and sites you want to read every day? Or do you just try to remember occasionally whenever you can?

Insurance is a wonderful thing. What would you do in case of a disaster without insurance? If you've got a beloved pet that is as much a part of your family as a child, you needpet insurance. If you've got a home that might burn down, you need home insurance. If you drive, you had better have car insurance or risk several hundred (if not thousands) of dollars in penalties and fines. Take a few minutes every year and grab a free rate comparison from several companies to make sure that you're still getting the best deal available to you- companies have the tendency to change their rates without warning, in response to their statistics. Don't be afraid to look around. The only thing to be afraid of is having no insurance; it takes less than a second for the chain reaction of an accident to land you in a position that requires either insurance or a quick several thousand dollar transfer from your carefully managed savings to repair what has been done.

What is... Wilms Tumor?

Named after Max Wilms, a doctor in Germany who first identified this type of cancer, Wilms tumor affects kidneys. In my case, the tumor had consumed my left kidney by the time I was diagnosed. This cancer affects maybe 500 people in the US a year- so it's not one of the more common cancers. The Wiki says that right now about 90% of patients survive at least five years post diagnosis.

Wow. This is so different from when I was diagnosed with this. Back then, it was a different story with oncologists trying everything in their power to fight it. The survival rate wasn't quite as high, although the majority of cases were and are found much earlier than I was. This is important because as with all other cancers, early detection is crucial to treatment options and favorable outcomes. Think of it like termite damage. The longer those termites are allowed to fill their bellies, the more damage will happen and the weaker the surrounding structure becomes. My cancer had spread to the right kidney and signs of it had been spotted on a few isolated lymphs. I was so weak when they operated that it was probable that I'd die on the table; but I would have died had they done nothing.

As I'm sitting here tonight it's been 24 years and a few months since then. Nearly a quarter century since all those years of chemo, of radiation, of learning how to deal with side affects that we didn't know would come out of it. I look back at the past, I look at the current knowledge we have of this disease. I'm incredibly grateful for what I have, what I might have lost.

How do I blog?

Let me count the ways...

Today I've got a cup of hot crystal light sitting on one side of me and a cinnamon stick candle burning on the other side of me. Both are useful. The Toddler is pretending to nap in her room- judging from the sounds she's not asleep but I'm willing to play along with her since she's being quiet. I'm also propping my feet up on a kitchen chair while I'm blogging. (See? I'm resting. My feet are up- that means I'm resting.)

In addition I've got four browser tabs open. How did I survive before Firefox? The Net was right in it's wisdom, for the level of browsing I habitually do in multiple windows throughout my entire day, I do need tabbed browsing. It makes things so much easier- at least it's easier as long as the keys don't stick. Which reminds me- I need to get a keyboard duster for this laptop. Or I need to vacuum it, or something. The Boy and the Toddler have left sticky fingerprints over it. There's a coffee stain near the touchpad we don't use, and the Q key was sticking all day yesterday but it appears to be fixed now.

Candles do seem to improve my outlook on things. Right now, I'm burning two of them. The cinnamon stick and one that smells like caramel brownies. I may not be able to eat them, but at least I can smell them all day. Oddly enough, this does not make me start craving sweets. I just love having the scent. Possibly the sight of a flickering candle in the corner of my vision also has an effect. I love it.

And here I'm going to wrap up another ramble brought to you by the sleep-deprived brain of me. Still tired, still gestating, still putting those feet up.

The most wonderful gift I could give my Boy this year is a video iPod. Apple coupons would make it a sweet deal. I could use one of the many vendor coupons available at Coupon Chief to get a great deal on just about everything I can think of. The Toddler? She wants an indoor sliding board. Nothing huge, just one of those plastic ones with three or four steps that she can climb up and down and really explore. I could save by buying it here using a Target coupon. I want to start getting the nursery basics in place for Robbie (Diapers.com), and I want to get something nice for the grandmothers this year (Illuminations). While our Christmas shopping has to, by necessity, be basic, if I can save more money I can get a better selection for the people I buy for.

Relax. That's what I'm hearing. Just relax. Just keep your feet up and everything will be fine. One of the weirder parts about pregnancy induced hypertension is that it's got almost no symptoms that are visible to the eyes. I can't tell my pressure is up aside from a peculiar tightening in my face in the late morning. Nobody else can tell from looking at me. I just look tired and lazy for waddling around my not-so-big belly and trying to push my Toddler off to walk on her own.

She's two, right? She should be able to walk herself most places. Trouble is, she still has trouble recognizing my voice. I'm talking to the wall the majority of hte time, and have to literally chase her around to catch her arm to gain her attention. She does not have a hearing problem, I'm told. What she may have is a paying attention problem. Can I bundle that up with the rest of her delays? Her teachers do not seem unduly concerned with it. I shouldn't be either. Except that I don't like her playing in traffic or out in the street, and I don't like that she wanders away from me wherever she feels like, and it's safer for both of us if she's either contained to a stroller, shopping cart, or my arms when we're outside of the house. I can't live in one set of four walls, I can't reliably leave them without her and another adult these days, and it's looking like it might just drive me buggy. Maybe a fresh cup of hot tea will help.

In another year or so we'll probably need a second car to cart the family around. If nothing else, I'll be taking kids to school and doctors and all the wonderful activities that kids get into- and the Boy will still need to get to work. Honda, Toyota & Ford Car Quotes are easy to get, no matter where you live. One simple form to fill out and instant quotes could be mine. And I like bargains as much as the next mom. It's up to me to make sure we get the best bang for the buck, and the Boy relies on me to keep the household running smoothly. At Carsblvd.com you never have to pay full price for a car again.

Today's pressure reading after the afternoon laydown was 148/89. Makes me happy. Not so much the top number, but the nice low non-triple-digit bottom number. That's what puts a smile on my face this afternoon. The Toddler? She's not napping. Did you really expect that she would? She's off in her bedroom demolishing things; notably the toy box. It's a favorite pasttime of many children. They have to go in there and rip out every single toy they own, exploring it as if it's new all over again.

I don't know why they do this. Do I sneak out to the bookshelves in the middle of the night and rummage through every book I own looking for something to strike my fancy in a re-read? Um. Maybe I shouldn't answer that. I do know exactly where my darling gets this tendency from, and it's not likely to be one that she'll outgrow.

Last night we took advantage of a crockpot meal I had doubled, then halved, then froze. It was good; if I do this again I'll be sure to use boneless chicken, though, because I keep finding little bits and pieces of bones and cartilege in my lunch today. This meal was chicken, stewed down to the point it falls apart in creamy goodness. Carrots. Celery. Mushrooms. Little dumplings. Today for lunch I stirred some up with fresh frozen peas and dumped it over a bowl of drained ramen noodles. Can you say yummy? I knew you could. I'd show a picture of it, but it did not survive long in the bowl. Plus, I think the batteries in the camera are getting low.

I'm going to be spending some rest time today, for sure. Got to spend some time sleeping. I did not want to wake up this morning. It's not getting better. Maybe it's the gray cloudy sky overhead that makes me want to burrow in the blankets. Maybe it's the baby kicking my stomach. The toddler has sleepy eyes too- maybe it's a sign that naptime will happen for us?

I come to the end of another month and have to confess some of my more deeply held cravings at this point. Creamed tuna on toast. Poppysicles (otter pops). Really good loose leaf teas. Crab cakes.

The Toddler slept hard last night after all her holiday excitement. After I tucked her in I didn't see much, didn't hear a single peep out of her until ten minutes ago when she crawled out of her bed to get a blankie and crawl back in. The first night away from my Boy was uneventful- the best kind- except that as expected I could not easily get to sleep. And then once I did sleep I did not want to get up. Will this change at some point soon? Heavens, I don't know whether or not I hope for that or not.

Thankfully, I've seldom had to go through the hassle of making a claim under warranty. The few times I've needed to do this were painless with the manufacturer taking their part and doing the right thing. But what if the manufacturer didn't feel like it? What if I fell through the cracks? My bargain buy wouldn't be much of a bargain or a joy. iFLOOR is now offering up to a million dollars in warranty protection to avoid this hassle and make a better experience for their customers. Online shopping customer service is reaching a new height this season, and I hope that this is just among the first of many retailers to take the step.

Press Release:

iFLOOR, America's largest online flooring retailer, today announced a $1,000,000 limited warranty designed to protect its customers from predatory manufacturer policies that exclude warranty coverage from online purchases.

The policy, which goes into effect immediately, offers up to one million dollars of coverage in the event that a customer's warranty claim is denied specifically because they made their purchase online. It is complimentary for every iFLOOR customer, and protects the buyer under the same terms as the original product warranty.

iFLOOR, Inc. CEO, Steve Simonson, came up with the program to combat "scare tactics" used by manufacturers of hardwood floors and laminate flooring. "Their idea is to discourage you from buying at a discount!" wrote Simonson in his blog "It's About Flooring". "This is not right! You deserve to save money! So we're going to take care of this problem once and for all."

And it would appear that federal law is on his side. Section 108 of the 1975 Magnuson-Moss Act, states that, "In general, tie-in sales provisions are not allowed. Such a provision would require a purchaser of the warranted product to buy an item or service from a particular company to use with the warranted product in order to be eligible to receive a remedy under the warranty."

Under iFLOOR's new warranty, a key provision allows for iFLOOR to "seek justice" on behalf of the customer in the event of legal action. According to Simonson, "I'm putting iFLOOR's money where my mouth is."

About iFLOOR, Inc.
Since 1998, iFLOOR.com has been the leading online and retail flooring company, with 36 local retail stores nationwide offering more than 70,000 products, including hardwood floors, laminate flooring, bamboo flooring and cork floors. iFLOOR.com is the largest online flooring retailer according to Internet Retailer Magazine, and was named by Inc. Magazine as one of the fastest growing private companies in the United States for the past three years. Committed to quality customer service, superior selection and friendly expert advice, iFLOOR.com enables customers to buy flooring both online and in its retail stores at a substantial savings over traditional retailers. For more information about iFLOOR, please visit www.iFLOOR.com.

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